Listen, I've seen things at potlucks that would make my grandma rise from her grave just to say "Bless their hearts." And if you've ever been on Black TikTok, you know exactly what I'm talking about – those videos of unseasoned chicken breast, translucent potato salad, and raisins showing up in places they have no business being.
A Tale of Two Potlucks
Let me paint you a picture. Growing up, potlucks meant my relatives competing for who made the best mac and cheese or broccoli casserole (spoiler: they were ALL the best), cousins guarding their mama's sweet potato pie like we protect Claire Huxtable, at all costs.
Then I went to my first "other" potluck. Y'all. The shock of seeing a "salad" that was just marshmallows, canned fruit, and Cool Whip nearly took me out. Just when I thought I'd seen it all, I got comfortable enough to try a mixed salad dish and – mid-chew – found myself slowly pulling something from my mouth. Dog hair. It was dog hair, y'all. I mean, it could've been from a cat, but either way, pet hair does not belong in the dish. If your potato salad is the color of printer paper and comes with surprise ingredients, we need to talk. Seriously, we need to have a conversation about the difference between a potluck and a food crisis.
The Sacred Rules of Potlucking
Let me break down some non-negotiable rules to keep your potluck invitation privileges intact:
1. DO Bring Your Signature Dish
If you're known for your banana pudding, don't show up with experimental kale chips. This isn't the time to test drive that TikTok recipe you saw at 2 AM. Stick to what you know, and know what you stick to.
2. DON'T Show Up Empty-Handed
Walking in with just your appetite and a plastic fork from your car's glove compartment is not the move. And no, bringing paper plates doesn't count as your contribution – especially if they're those flimsy ones that fold under the weight of a chicken wing.
3. Season Your Food (With More Than Just Salt and Pepper)
Your spice cabinet is not decoration. If the most exotic thing in your seasoning collection is garlic powder, we need to have an intervention. And no, ranch dressing is not a substitute for actual seasoning.
4. Keep Your Pets Away From the Kitchen
I don't care how cute your fur baby is – Fluffy needs to stay far away from the food prep area. We're trying to share meals, not DNA samples.
5. Label Your Dish
"Mystery Meat Surprise" is not a dish name that inspires confidence. Let people know what they're getting into. And if you made substitutions, for the love of all things holy, tell us. Nobody wants to find out that's not real cheese after they've taken a bite.
6. Temperature Matters
If your dish needs to be hot, figure out how to keep it hot. Nobody wants to chip a tooth on mac and cheese that's turned into a brick. And if it's supposed to be cold, please don't let it sit in your hot car for two hours before serving.
The Bottom Line
A potluck is about community, sharing, and good food – emphasis on the "good." It's not the time to experiment with that "deconstructed hamburger casserole" you saw on Pinterest. Keep it simple, keep it seasoned, and for heaven's sake, keep the pet hair out of it.
And remember, if you're not sure about your cooking skills, there's no shame in bringing drinks. Just make sure it's enough for everybody – because showing up with a single two-liter of warm Sprite is also a potluck crime.
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